Merry christmas. I feel like i've grown out of Christmas. and im only 21. 

Im proud of myself for, stepping out and asking if i could help out with the AV crew. =) and now im in. Yay! 

Everyone else at home is down with the flu now. Missed dance prac today because i accompanied all 3 of them to the hospital. Dad and kern is more to throat infection. Mom's is more serious, viral infection = more med to take. ( I had 2 doses of antibiotics to get well, over a time span of 4 weeks)

Went back to Raub for cousin aunt's wedding dinner. Good food. Poor parents couldnt really enjoy it. 

New year is up next and i get to spend it with him :) Looking forward to celebrating 35 months together. 

And i wont be defeated by what the circumstances puts me in. Going through the same questions every time does not help. Putting them aside, its not what i can control. let's just leave it as just a dream full stop. 

i need FOOD!!! sick for the past 3 weeks with flu and more flu and more flu. By last week, everything cleared up, i was jubilant! until i went for 2 wedding dinners in a row, and it all came back again. even stronger and more painful. boo.

Its day number 3 of flu round 3. and somehow the whole trachea shows no signs of clearing up. non stop coughs and reoccurring sore throat. and worst of all, no proper food intake for 4 days in a row! Ah, shoot me. i need food!!! how am i suppose to recover eating just bread and more bread, that's if i buy them. if i dont, dont want to imagine.

This cannot be linked to a chance to lose weight!!! weight management issues has nothing to do with needing food.

Somebody feed me!

Lost dreams

I miss having a diary, writing down the most intimate feelings I have in it. As time went pass, the source of recording changed from a pen and a book to him. The dependency shifted from me to him. Contrary to many beliefs, feelings were shared and discussed. I liked it the way it was. But to have feelings shared, with limitations to actions to be taken due to the distance, it defeats the purpose of sharing feelings, or circumstances, or needs.

I do believe in a time for everything. Just like how a professional photographer is paid to capture the moment. There are moments in life that needs to go through a fast capture lens. Click click click. And it ends there. Any second later would have missed the action at that time.

Being this sick for this long, it’s not fun. 3 mc’s in 3 weeks. I feel like I’ve neglected work. That’s another area to be shared at another point. Coughing with serious flu and sore throat, gives me time to think and to do things for myself. It’s good to take a break, never really did since 6 months back when work started. Im 21. It suppose to be the peak of a person’s life, achieving dreams. How can it be or since when my dreams are linked to him? And its not achievable at this point of time. I need to find my own dream, I need to recollect what I wanted. When did I lose it?

i've just got to face the fact that it is not going to be like what i hoped it will be.

not for now at least.

its already. i dont care. i cant do anything. so why bother. why push.

i need to also face the fact that its out of my control.

recap

Internet's back! Hurray to having P1 and also a monthly income to support. =) I must say, these 5 months passed real quick, surviving on hour to hour deadlines, having to speak out my mind when situation gets out of hand. Putting time management into real practice. and also a few late nights in office. Work like sitting in a roller coaster has no end to it but the trills are enough to keep the energy pumping. Im glad im still saying this after 5 months.

Learnt that maturity is a gift that comes with experience and perhaps exposure. Eyes that see, and mind that digest.

I miss hanging out with people. Learnt that, it takes my own initiative to hang on and not wait till someone offers and only i decide whether to hop on or to wait for the next ride.

Long distance is still long distance, once or twice a month meet ups. Liking it a lot that family is accepting him much more than before. That's a good sign. Plans are in place, i hope.

Come a time. Anticipations grows cold.

Come a time. Excitement dies down.

Come a time. Tears run dry.

Come a time. The whole process repeats itself.

 

 

Life is but a fairy tales of unrealistic dreams. sadly enough, most of the time it leans towards being unrealistic.

life is short. i want to hear your voice as much as possible when i still can.

 

having this blocked ear. gave a feel like what being deaf feels like. its started with a buzzing sound, went to doctors. they said that it was a mild infection, pulse and wax solidified. the doctor took out what he can. and gave me ear drops.

 

but on my side. it still feels as block as ever. last night after seeing the doctor, the block got worst. however, after first round of drops. today is slightly better than yesterday.

 

but it still doesnt take away the temporary hearing impairment feel.

Having good lunchmates is a blessing.

Distance

The boy is away in tokyo. No communication for a week. N i miss him.

Choices, freewill and self actualization.

 

Thoughts that once were dreams, childhood dreams. The underlying motivation to reaching adulthood was the big idealism of what life could be, or what it was meant to be. Climbing the path leading to it, or at least we think that the path leads to those dreams. somehow, will it be achieved?

 

Shallowness of a deep thought gives the mellowing impact.

Sending off

Its never easy to send a love one off. Especially not when he's flying back.

I must have looked pretty teary despite the strong attempt to hold them back.

Until my youngest bro had to tell me. He's flying away only. Dont cry.
Can fly back ma.

Its only been minutes ago. But i miss his presence already.

Birthday

21st coming up soon! tentatively, my colleagues are bringing me out
clubbing. the conversation way beyond what i expected. to have my
direct superior and his superior to get all excited planning a 21
years old birthday bash was just. so cute

i'll get to see dihhaw. =) im excited. the whole month of august was a
real blessing to be able to see him every weekend. has been a long
time since i last met him so frequently. =) its been 31 months. we've
come a long way.

How do u know?

If. Work is in a hurry?

When. The car needs to be fed, there is a jam the whole way n the eyes
is set on every ticking second counting till the clock in time.

Growing

Love is meant to be simple. How i wish i could remind myself of that
all the time. The luxuries of life, are called luxury for a reason.
The path chosen, will dictate the future. True. But is having money
all to life? At this point, i still hold on to the power of love. The
experience has prove it right time n time again. Adaptations n
sacrifices for love, is worth every effort. For true love recognizes
it.

Growing

Learning when to initiate, when to step back. When to comply, when to
know its a joke. When to push extra, when to work within time frame
comfortably.

Afterall, its only work.

This month has been a bonus. Been meeting dar dar every weekend since
convo. Smiles.

Look to god, n our perspective of things will change. Have faith, and
hope comes along. Pray, n joy comes with it.

Attention. Privacy

There's a reason why the ladies n gents are placed not within the
office. Perhaps its the smell, or to avoid people spending extra time
gossiping or just killing time in there. But. When the floor reflects
all movements n actions. All the privacy is gone. No more times when
the highlight of getting out from the ladies is to. Not bump into
anyone, preferably. So that whatever done inside is left inside.

1.2.3.

maiden post from my mailbox =) will be back with more. definitely

Asian vs Western

There is a vast difference in terms of upbringing and the result between the west and the east. In cases where language tends too be perceived as a major seperation factor, my observations differ.

case study 1 : child sleeps in on a saturday morning

Asian : (knocks door loudly based on instinct) Oi, wake up already la. wanted to bring you out to do this and that, SEE NOW. half day gone still sleeping! bought food for you also the food smells already la. dont need to eat. sleep la. (pounds on door loudly again)

western : Is everything alright? are you sick? its time to wake up. Come on, head to thetoilet, wash up. tThere's food waiting for you. dont take too long ya =) (ends with a gentle tone, nice and sweet)